As I sat in meditation, I started to recognize a few things about myself. For one, I realized both the blessings and curses of being a pieces. I found forgiveness in my old boss for treating me so poorly, I forgave my grandfather for speaking words he didn’t mean and I forgave myself for being so hard on myself and the world around me.
The week prior to this meditation was an emotional roller coaster for myself. In my previous blog, CLICK HERE TO READ , I wrote about why I left my old yoga job and my boss behind. A week after leaving, I found out my old boss has lost the love of her life. I felt compelled to give her my condolences and left her a small note. Maybe we didn’t end things on the right foot but I still cared about her as both a friend and person. I gave her my regards and she threw it right back in my face. Notorious for her nasty words, she wrote me a message that shattered my heart. I cried hysterically as my fiancé reminded me to breath. So badly I wanted to call her and give her my two sense and write a bad review about her business. But instead of stooping down to her level, I gave her my farewell and I will never open up that door up again.
Later that evening, I went over to my grandparents for dinner. I sat down with my grandfather and what I thought was a pleasant conversation quickly turned sour. He prefaced the sour part of the conversation by saying that I may hate him and never talk to him again. I was stunned at this proclamation.
Then my grandfather straight up told me I was dumb. DUMB. Not only was I dumb, but I was dumb because I was what he called, “a typical women.” Without a doubt he said I was his smartest grandchild but I was dumb due to the fact that I was a women and therefore directionless. He warned me not to marry my fiancé or I would be miserable and wake up in twenty years to only realize how unhappy I really was. His words shocked me just as much as they broke my heart.
For the second time that day, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I swore to never talk to my grandfather ever again. I wanted to shut the door completely on my own family.
Fast forward a week and I was meditating outside on my porch. The past week seemed like a blur but now I was seeing things clearly. My grandfather deserved forgiveness. He is slowly losing his mind as a 93 year old. Dementia is taking the man that once was my grandad. He doesn’t even remember what he even said and for that reason I decided to open up that door again and forgive him.
As for my old boss, she too deserved forgiveness. Losing a loved one is devastating to begin with. For all I know in some twisted way, by lashing out on me I was helping her heal from her loss. Quite possibly she didn’t want to hear from me of all people so soon after quitting her studio. I’ll never know but I found room in my heart to forgive her.
She, like myself is a pieces so I know her nature as a person. As pieces’ we often take care of others at the sake of not taking care of ourselves properly. This can be very draining on us and lead to being hard on others, angry towards the world and ultimately in need of serious repair. My old boss fits the mold perfectly. Life has been hard on her. She runs two business, takes care of her father and doesn’t often leave time for self-love. Because life is hard on her, she is hard on everyone else. If you’re reading this, you are also forgiven. ❤️
The best realization I came to during my meditation practice was the many blessings of being a pieces. Sure, we can let the world weigh us down but on the same token we are resilient, hard working, dream chasers and LOVERS.
In the end, my heart was temporarily hardened by life’s circumstances. But it helped me realize that sometimes life will get you down and it’s better to let go of what’s making you bitter than holding on to something that no longer serves you.
Here’s to another beautiful revolution around the sun. Happy new year to all.
Namaste, Kay. ❤️
Thanks for reading.